This is not a fun time at all. As I look back at the past 2 years. It’s filled with a lot of emotion. A lot of fear, anger, and pain. With the clots those didn’t bug me much. Like last time.  When it started impacting my breathing and just moving in general became…. Hard. As… Continue reading Suffocating

Fight or flight. Constantly switched on. Always on high alert 24/7. Mins working overtime. Body not working anytime. Overdrive. Overtime. Absolute exhaustion.  Whichever label you want to slap on it, that’s what it’s been. It’s been too long since I have felt so strangely calm. I think in most part the victory lap I took… Continue reading Calm

I’ve grown tired of writing stuff like this.  Just seems like its all I really post about is how I just am not getting better.  Roughly 3 months ago I stopped going my blood thinners.  Not by choice.  The hematologist didn’t feel they were no longer necessary so she didn’t renew my prescription.  Eh. I went with it.  Whatever.  You are the… Continue reading Worse

After the kenalog shots last Friday, I would have hoped that my face would calm down.  No.  Saturday I was pretty miserable. It’s the same thing. Burning mouth. Face. Ugh. It’s just a cycle.  Sunday weird enough I woke up to my Eustachian tubes just crackling away. It’s a weird thing that sort of comes… Continue reading Fire

It’s been a wild rollercoaster for the past few weeks, not gonna lie. I’ve been tested several times. Patience has been something that I’ve been deprived of for some time but somehow manage to find some. It’s been frustrating. As I look back I am super happy I went to an eye doctor. Of all… Continue reading Fuck

After leaving my dermo’s office, he gave me more Cipro. I think for the most part it’s the antibiotic that’s helped the most besides Vancomycin. This whole week has been … a struggle. And no not a struggle where it’s like going up a flight of stairs (yes we’ve all been there). It’s taken a… Continue reading Still Struggling

Can’t say how much I’ve fucking hated the past 2 years. Maybe more. For as long as I can remember, my face was just never feeling right. Almost unnoticeable. Slowly making its way through my neck and face.  When the implants went in, something changed.  Sores. Man. The sores have been the absolute worst. Just showing… Continue reading Staph

People joke about it all the time. Eating food from this restaurant gave me PTSD. ETC ETC. For me I was also the same. Making jokes about it. I had a rude awakening yesterday. I’ll be honest. I’ve had countless surgeries since I paid that fucking idiot $20k. Every surgery marked me. Fear. Anxiety. I… Continue reading PTSD

Yep. More staph. When my email notification went off, I saw it was Labcore. Frantically logging in I was hoping for something. The past 2 cultures grew nothing. Sure enough. More coagulate negative staph. As I started to read the list of antibiotics that worked, there were quite a few that were resistant. Of course… Continue reading Another culture

If 1 word would describe how I’m feeling about things. It’s apathy. I’ve seriously stopped fucking caring. No matter what I do, or say doesn’t matter. Nobody is listening anymore. How do I feel?  Sad. I’ve felt like this for awhile now. I’m also angry. Why?  The pain won’t stop. My mouth hurts 24/7. At least the… Continue reading Apathy