Broken

I can only start this post off with the fact that I think my body has started to give up. While everything has been going on, I’ve neglected a very important aspect of my life, and that’s my vision. Slowly over time, I’ve noticed more and more that my long distance has become .. non-existent. When I had the pinkeye, I brought it up to the Dr at that time that my vision really sucks. The eye exams I’ve had done in the past has always been make the best guess based on what I see. Anything +7ft away has gotten harder to read or just distinguish. Shapes and colors are fine. Words not so much. So he popped in a rough prescription and asked me what I thought. Wow. What a difference. That’s when I realized that yeah, im getting older. Things aren’t working the way I’ve always been accustomed to. Emily also does eye stuff and kind of pointed me to get an exam. Between visits with the hematologist, I decided to just go get it done. 

The process was ok. Read this. Guess at that. Then I just caved. I told the Dr that I can’t read the smaller lines and that I’m just guessing. It’s definitely distance. So we tried a bunch of lenses. The end result seemed much better. Across the mall I could tell a difference between what was an iPhone case vs a Samsung case. It was crazy that I’ve never seen so clearly in a long time. Sales team goofed in the end. I was supposed to get a pair of glasses that does everything, called progressive lenses. Instead they got me glasses for just far stuff. Made it hard to see stuff up close. It was a big difference for stuff off in the distance, so I am semi-excited to get the right lenses this time. There is an episode in Big Bang theory where Penny gets glasses and says “molecules”. Apparently Anies loves them. It’s just funny to do. It’s those small moments I only have left where I briefly can smile and laugh. 

After that, let’s be honest. I hurt everywhere. And I do mean everywhere. Originally I went on pain management for my neck. I used to see a chiropractor pretty frequently, but my focus was moved to more “pressing” issues. The guy I was seeing got kinda weird after COVID. Anti-masker. I did go for a single jaw adjustment as he did in the past, but I just needed my jaw back in. I knew leaving that I wouldn’t be back. Apparently he’s moving, so it was best to just find a new chiro. I called several places about doing TMJ treatments which was my main focus.  I realized real quick most chiropractors don’t do TMJ. On my last call I found a guy. Speciality in neuroradiology. They got me in same day. Was met by a new Dr. Gave him my abbrieviated story.  The usual shock. But what was different is that he listened. This probably spanned form me hitting the toilet in 2016. Then the floor in 2017. The tumor in 2018-2019. And a few eat shit stunts as I was getting out of bed. 

Every fall. Every surgery. All wrapped up nicely with my mind that never shuts off.  His first assessment was that I’m in rough shape. Did my TMJ, little bit of my shoulders and sent me to the back for w rays. After a few pictures I was on my way. See you next Monday. Monday came. Oh boy. Just looking at both X-rays made it very clear that my neck and shoulders are absolutely fucked.  Immediately put me on the table. Everything he pushed on. Prodded. Probed. It all hurt. Up my spine. My ribs. My shoulders. Back of my head. Pins and needles. He started off light. My left rib spasmed like crazy and hurt for a few days after. Second appointment was reviewing the X-rays and a game plan. 30 visits. Basically every day. My X-rays look like I’ve been in a car crash. But from what he says, he can fix it. So here’s hoping. 

The adjustments hurt. My whole body just hates me at this point. I can tell that he is starting to gradually manipulate me harder and harder.  I left pretty sore today. Hopefully in 2 months I’ll be feeling good, till then I feel like I was thrown off of a house.  Time will tell. 

Lastly I think back to summer. The swelling. The severe exhaustion. Constantly sweating. It was pretty fucking brutal. But I think this has been a secondary problem the entire time. Yeah. I’m the idiot for not perusing help when I ran out of stuff. But I think that I’ve got a good handle on what’s going on. I just wish the cost wasn’t my body. Aside from everything else, I don’t move like I do. My reaction time is gone. But the killer was the heat rate. I’m pretty sure that the clots were in my lungs since the removal of the other one.   It’s like I’m so close. End of the tunnel. 

I did have another mri. Which showed more metal under my tongue. I am really hoping that Lurcott can remove this shit. Permanently. 

And I spoke to Sarid at length. The 1 test I was interested in was my prostaglandin D2. Before I started xolair I was at 130, a year later, it went up to 263 because with went off of the xolair in June. The discussion I had with him today made it clear that I do have to go back on it. It was helping. But I know the ultimate solution here is going to be removing the metal. Permanently.