Another culture

Yep. More staph. When my email notification went off, I saw it was Labcore. Frantically logging in I was hoping for something. The past 2 cultures grew nothing. Sure enough. More coagulate negative staph. As I started to read the list of antibiotics that worked, there were quite a few that were resistant. Of course the two antibiotics I’ve been taking for the past 2 months are resistant. But the same one everytime sits there taunting me.  Vancomycin.

I’m just done. I’m tired of taking this taking that. For what?  Why am I doing all this?  Just so I can just be in debt for the rest of my life?  You’d think that “a” doctor would actually do something. Help. Investigate. Nope. None of them are really good at what they do. They just make educated guesses and hope for the best. The problem I have is that I’ve approached the same doctor with multiple cultures of the same shit. Doesn’t even phase them. Oh it’s normal. Fuck you dude. It’s not. Whatever the fuck is in my cheeks and face is not normal. I have red spots all over my face. I’m constantly feeling pain in my sinuses. Bloody chunks keep coming out. It’s all bright red too. It’s infection. Nobody wants to admit it though. For fear of getting sued probably. 

This is why I’m so demotivated. This is why I’m angry.  This is why I’m so detached from everything. Last night I decided to stop taking antibiotics. It’s just pointless. Nobody wants to listen. Or try anymore.  I hurt everywhere. I just don’t know why this matters anymore. I’ve been a prisoner to health issues ever since that fucking moron touched me. In a big way I know in the end he will get away with it. Nobody cares. Im just a number at this point. A checkbox. Nothing I do or say matters anymore. 

I really wish I had something positive to post about. But I don’t think I’ll see anything positive anytime soon. I see Hepworth Thursday. I know that will just be a whatever appointment. Where I’ll just have to wait another 6 months for him to maybe do something. I mean im just bleeding constantly. Everytime I blow my nose it’s blood. He will probably just chalk it off to being dry. Or im doing something wrong. Yep. This is all me. 

It’s just disappointing. It truly is. You’d think karma would help me out. I mean I’ve been selfless my entire life. I always helped people.  But as my mom used to say it’s the good people that never catch a break. 

So I just sit here on the couch just wondering when I go septic again. I know it’s coming, it’s just a matter of when. My nose just fucking hurts. From between my eyes to the bridge of my nose. The infection is there. I feel it. 

That doesn’t matter either.