LOL At This Point

Fuck man. The past 3 weeks. Whatthefucksville. 2 weekends ago I started to just not feel right. My back was starting to hurt. Of course I have way too much going on and I can’t keep track of everything. The kidney stone they saw when I was hospitalized. Yep. Forgot about it. I’m an idiot. I thought I had time. Nope. By last Monday the weird cramps started. And the sweating began. Of course I just chalked it off as nothing, but when Tuesday hit I knew something was wrong. I woke up on Wednesday feeling like absolute shit. I knew it was a stone, it just didn’t hit me yet.

No more than I dropped the jeep off to get fixed. WHAM. It was like someone was just slowly turning the clicky dial wheel. As Mike and I drive to work I started to regret going to work. I started to cave in and say I should just go home and lay down. Reluctantly I walked in. Barely.

By the time I got to my desk it was already at a 8. I was just soaked at this point. My heart was just racing. Around 8am people started to filter in, and I started doing the pain pace. Walking to get my mind off of the fucking evil thing trasversing it’s impossible path. When my boss settled in, he immediately noticed what was going on and walked over. I looked at him and just started to shake my head. Told him what’s going on. I was already in the middle of working a ticket, but said I’ll just try to go as long as I can.

That lasted about 10 minutes.

As Nate walked by I told him what’s going on, and he told me that I should go. I then asked him for a ride back. Yeah. It’s that bad. As we pulled home, the pain became even more intense. It took me at least 10 minutes to struggle up the stairs. I texted April immediately that we gotta go to the urologist. I did manage to get an appointment as Mike and I were driving in.

As she picked me up the pain was at 12/10. I could barely walk, or talk, or even breathe. I awkwardly got into her car and sat like the Tetris piece that never fucking fits anywhere and eventually ends up fucking up the game forever. I was starting to squirm. Everything started to hurt. As this point the panic started to set in as I knew what was coming. We made it to the center, and I made my way up to xray. It took me 5 minutes to gain the strength to get on the table. I jokingly said “I bet you can tell what I have”. The tech just laughed.

After xray I made my way to the appointment desk, and that’s when the kraken came out. Pain was 15/10. I was sweating non stop, but now the nausea has started. As I got my ID and insurance back, I put the cards away and proceeded to just lay down on the floor in the waiting room and just rolled around. Again making the joke of “I bet you guys can tell what this is”.

It felt like an eternity waiting for the Dr. I paced around the exam room frantically. Trying positions on the table. Trying to go to the bathroom. Anything. Everything. It didn’t help. When the Dr came in he knew what was wrong. But the X-ray didn’t show the stone in the tube. So then he said well, we could try ESWL, but we will probably have to “go get it”. Fuck not again.

Then that’s when things turned to the worse. That asshole started to move. And it just wrought me to my knees. The Dr ordered pain meds, but it was too late. The pain is ahead of my tolerance. I buckled to the floor in the hallway and couldn’t move. The staff thought I passed out, but it was 1000% pain. I wasted for the toradol to kick in but stayed on the floor for about 10 minutes and then they got me back into the exam room and brought heating blankets and packs. Fuck it felt amazing. But also the toradol was working.

As this episode went on, I caught like 3 things the Dr said. Surgery was tomorrow. Based on my symptoms it couldn’t wait. I was glad. I was keeping April up to speed on what’s going on. If we didn’t get this under control, we were gonna head to Swedish so they could get my pain under control. But I’m glad we didn’t have to go after all. Because I fucking hate that place.

I picked up meds and got back home and just crashed on the couch. My body was so tired. I passed out for a bit. I woke up to more pain, but thankfully I had morphine, and I just doubled down. Yeah. Not supposed to. Don’t care. The pain earlier was going through 30mg so.

It was really hard to sleep. Between the pain and the anxiety of surgery it was a shit night. I got up. Did a few things for work and just waited till my appointment. I took a Valium to calm down and some pain meds and just waited for Anies to come home.

I was moving a little better than yesterday, not as much pain. But it was still there. Of course there is always that hope of oh yeah I passed it. Nah. I’m never that lucky.

I got prepped for surgery fairly quickly and had versed put in. I scooted to the or table and thants when then they all started to work me. I got the remaining versed as I started to have a panic attack and the gas just shut me down.

I woke up knowing what happened. I could already feel it. Yep. They had to go up. As I came to I went straight for the big guns. Fentanyl. Load me the fuck up. Because I’m gonna need it.

The ride home sucked like last time. Every little bump was murder. I needed to pee but just like last time. It’s the absolute worst.

I tried going here and there to only get into more pain frustration and just downright crying. Which turned to anger. Everything sucked. I hated everything and anything. I started pacing again, and then just said fuck it. Took 2 Oxys and just laid on the couch with mg heating pad.

I started drinking water. I knew at some piping I’m gonna have to go. The more water to drink the better off you are. Going was still

Excruitiatingly painful. Little drips here and there. I just sat there on the toilet for 20 minutes at a time.

Then I made the bad choice to raid. Of course the last pull Armageddon starts and I have to run to the bathroom before I piss blood everywhere. I didn’t even make it down to the toilet and I just unleashed it in all it’s burning glory. Yeah it hurt like hell, but I emptied mg bladder. Fuck. It didn’t hurt as much but if I did a strange position it didn’t hurt like it was. So I just stuck with it for the rest of the night.

As the next day came I couldn’t do it. I was sick. I couldn’t work. Not with all the pain. I just didn’t have it in me. I spent most of the day on the couch. Just watching shows. Enjoying the time off. It’s been a rough couple of days.