Anxiety For Tomorrow

Tomorrow I see Hepworth’s NP. This hasn’t gotten better. Between whatever is going on in my Sphenoid, the HSV-1 outbreak across my face, the cysts that continue to get bigger in front of my left ear and run across my jawline, and down my neck.

Every morning I wake up, I blow out blood, on top of the brownish garbage which ends up making me gag. The brownish/blackish crap that continues to build up on the backside of my tongue and has taken away my ability to smell, or taste anything, none of this is going away.

Last night I was ripped out of bed with full Charley Horses in both feet, calves, and thighs. I froze in agony in bed, Anies woke up immediately to me screaming / crying. This has gone up to an 11 now. I’m taking 500mg of magnesium, drinking 2 glasses of electrolytes, drinking as much water as I can possibly drink. After about 10 minutes of full lockup, I slowly made my way to the bathroom to get the Robaxin (Methocarbamol) out. I’m starting to run out of options. I’m hard stopping the Valium since it’s not helping with the severe muscle spasms I’m having.

The oral surgeon I saw late last year said 1500mg 3x a day should be a good place to start with the Robaxin. This was for the “facial pain” he was trying to just push off as muscle spams, which it’s pretty clear, that’s it’s not. The only problem with that dosing, is it makes me super tired. If I sit too long, that fading in/out feeling starts. On top of the severe muscle spasms I’m having in my legs and feet, my neck on the right side is constantly locking up again. To make matters worse, the lockups in my hands are becoming crippling again.

As I made my usual bowl of salad tonight, I could feel it coming the more I needed to use my fine motor skills in my hands. It starts off subtle, but it snaps just like that. The middle portion of my hand starts to pull all of my fingers inward. It’s a massive cramp, that the only way I can stop it from locking up my entire hand is to try to wedge my hand open by forcing my hand to stay open, and using a flat surface to push down on. I wound up only eating half because using a fork is challenging when it feels like that’s what my hands want to do. The hand lockups have always come and gone, but. It as severe as to what I’ve been experiencing lately.

Another thing that could be contributing to this is the Posaconazole trying to rid my body of the mycotoxins have have deeply rooted themselves in my body. Posaconazole is known to cause bloody noses, back cramps, and rashes. But I think my gut feeling on this, is the Posaconazole trying to kill off what it can, and this is the fallout of it. Until we can find & remove the last remnants of the fungal infection, I suspect this will just continue to worsen.

Also had IVIg, so my body is definitely fighting. Those infusions are pretty much life sustaining at this point, and I’m so thankful I’m able to do it in the comfort of my own home, vs having to sit in an infusion center. We did pull labs, so I’m super interested where my WBC stands. Just based on how I’m feeling, it’s definitely not gonna be normal. Since we are keeping a close eye on my IgG, labs won’t be ready till probably Tuesday at the latest.

It’s quite clear whatever this is, now has CNS involvement, or Central Nervous System. Since the spasms started in the beginning of the year, it’s hard to say if it’s related to my sphenoid infection, or the obvious HSV-1 outbreak. HSV-1 does live in your nerves once it goes dormant, so maybe that’s a factor here, or it’s something else.

The primary eruption is slowly going away. Typically it’s gone by now. So I’ll continue the Famiclovir until it’s all gone. It is helping, it’s just moving at a snails pace at this point.

Anies sat down with me on the couch and we finished watching Straight Outta Compton. Which is a great true story about NWA. How money and greed can ruin even the closest of friendships, and how evil the LAPD was back then. As the movie was coming to an end, I asked her for the usual neck massage and face rub.

I honestly don’t know what I would do without her. She’s been so supportive, helpful, and above all else, understanding of what I’m going through. Her deep-rooted love is the only thing I cherish right now, as it’s getting me through these really hard and difficult days. She finished off the bedroom today. Our new place is starting to feel more and more like home.

It took about 10 minutes for my neck to finally break free. Between her super small, and strong hands and the percussion gun, 3 big cracks and it was free. Then it was time for my face. Sinus rubs are one of the only thing that helps with the Sphenoid pain. It helps me breathe better, and just overall sends me off into another universe because it feels so good.

When she moved to the bridge of my nose on the right side, I feel this “stuff” there. If she hits this spot just right, I feel this goopy release from the inside, and it makes a loud popping noise.

It feels so relieving when it happens, however, it doesn’t smell the greatest. But this is par for the course. This is what happens every time she does this.

Hopefully tomorrow Dr. Reynolds can see the inflammation that Hepworth saw last me. I just want this over with already. I’ve waited long enough.

Tuesday is another laser treatment. Hopefully we can keep reducing the outbreak further. I’m just glad the technology exists to help with this stuff.