Hospitalized…. Again

You’d think this shit would be over. You’d think that things would be “under control” as best as they can be. 

Nope. 

As I sit here at UC Health, I just have to wonder what the fuck. This week didn’t start out right. Fuck last week. It’s all just a fucking blur at this point. The focal point has never changed. It’s still my mouth. 

Last Friday I struggled through the day more than usual. The swelling was just downright painful. Excruciating at times. Feeling the pulsing, the burning, the just awkward sensations repeatedly.  It’s hard to not allow this to just consume someone. Anyone who has gone through something like this knows exactly what I’m talking about. The time between feedings. That empty/false hope that’s it’s gone. Giving you the chance to think “is it better?”  It’s exhausting to be honest. The transitioning between hoping feeling dreading of the pain you know is coming. It’s not going away you fucking idiot. Stop. But chronic pain, is exactly that. An endless unescapeable loop which you cannot leave. 

Nothing works anymore. Showers, wife’s amazing face rubs, and my medication.  When you feel that wave coming, there’s nothing you can do. I mean. It would be fine if this was my arm, hand, or foot. But Jesus Christ. It’s my face. Right along the jawline. Nothing like feeing someone just jamming a box cutter in your mouth and just creating the new Picasso. That’s what it feels like. Yet. There’s nothing you can do. 

So with all this, I have nothing left but my dignity. It’s just defeating.  I called my periodontist who did the implants. “Please take these out of my head as soon as possible” I told the front desk lady. She simply just said she will forward the message. All weekend I was just miserable. I at least got more oral steroid. That’s the only thing that offers some sort of buffer.

As Monday came, to my surprise, I had a returned call from the office manager. Explaining that she’s working on coordinating the IV sedation team and things are in motion. I’m excited and scared at the same time. I just want this over. I didn’t sign up for all this. I just wanted teeth. Not a fucking year of nonstop health problems aside from all the pain. I think back before the implants, and I didn’t have these issues. Not anywhere close to the magnitude I am experiencing now. 

The 18th @ 8am

That’s the end of the road. I’ve decided to stop trying to make this work and listen to my body for once. I know that for the most part, I haven’t listened to anything you’ve had to say, but I want you to know that I am listening. As we talked the pain was just screaming at me. I just need to get home and get my pain meds and weather the storm. 

The following day I talked to the new dentist who didn’t really tell me or offer anything substantive outside of “I think I can help you”. Wanted to discuss ozone therapy. Dude. What part of my teeth are a fucking lost cause so you not understand. Again, people trying to make money. So I stopped him. Derailed his sales pitch (I’m sure it doesn’t happen often) as he was talking about all these homeopathic things.  “I need a doctor that can help me achieve the goal of teeth again”. He just sat there by trying to collect what I just said. 

It’s that’s simple. That’s all I want. 

He then precluded to talk about this other top doctor that could also help, but he could help, but he could refer. Dude. The message you send people by saying that is will you commit to helping me, or bail when the patient is $30k into a treatment plan. 

Best $150 I’ve ever spent. Probably won’t go back. I’ll find another doctor that can do what I need. Don’t think that guy was focused. As I got into the car the wave came.  Hard and fast. Fuck it hurt so bad. 

That feeling is coming back again. Yup. The septic one.  My face just hurts. I wish I could record it, so that it could be played back and experienced by others. At this point my immune system is just blind. After I got home, I tried eating. It got worse. I tried lying down. Showering. Eating once again just made it worse. I made it to about 8pm, and that was it. My body was done. It couldn’t take this anymore. I told the wife we need to go. My throat at this point was so fucking sore, it felt like I’ve spent all day swallowing pine cones. I took a photo, and the back of my throat looked really bad. 

As the wife and I left, I contemplated going to the same ER, then last second I decided. Fuck it. Let’s go to UC Health. Maybe it will be different. 

To my surprise, it actually was. Of course they tried sending in multiple doctors. But when the bloodwork started to come back, they immediately started changing what they were saying. Lactate was at 2.2. Right at the tip point point. Elevated WBC and neutrophils. My body is fighting something. 

The internalist came back. I talked about what had worked in the past, rocephin and vaync. To my surprise, 20 minutes later, fluids were ordered and rocephin. Then they took a urine sample. Bacteria in my urine. Once that result happened, they started taking blood cultures from me. After a second painful IV (that blew), the Dr came back in and said that based on my heart rate and blood pressure with my blood work, that they are admitting me. After picking my jaw up from the floor, I was in disbelief. What I didn’t think would happen, happened. Finally. Someone listened. After that, they agreed to start me on vaync. Thank fucking god.  Best antibiotic ever.  In disbelief I called my wife. So she could get me some stuff. Along with my SCIg (wednesdays are infusion days).   

Unfortunately, the hospital was full, and there was a slight “wait” to get upstairs. So then the battery of COVID tests started. Fuck that test. It’s the absolute worst. Of course I’m negative…. I go nowhere.  All protocol, albeit a waste. But I guess they want to make sure. This slight wait turned into all night. Fuck I was hungry. The nurse kept slipping me jello cups, fuck I probably ate 10 of them. As the night went and as the vaync went in, I could feel it starting. My body just getting warm. Strange sensations all over my face. I faded in and out all night. Waking up to a sleeping arm. I just took off the blood pressure cuff. 

Sorry guys that shit is pointless every 30 minutes. 

I didn’t sleep. The ER was so busy. Crazy people running around with security chasing them, constant flow of EMT’s. People wandering down the hallway just lost. They woke me up and wisked me to CT. I thought to myself, I doubt they will find anything.  I wasn’t wrong. The typical CT result was read. Nothing.  I know they were just trying to create an exit strategy, but the internal guy felt the swelling and saw my throat.  His comment was “CT won’t show that”.  

I was stuck in the ER until about 3pm on Wednesday. During the wait, the attending did order consults with both infectious disease and ENT. I did meet with ID yesterday to discuss the steps we need to take to shake whatever is in my face, and throat.  ID spent about 15 minutes with me total, discussing them wanting to take me off of the vanyc and switch me to amoxicillin. Yeah. Swap me to the antibiotic that I’ve been on constantly for the 2 years that doesn’t work. I made it very clear to them that’s been the case, but they firmly believed that switching to amoxicillin was the best play. Not that I have any say, but that’s what happened. I at least got a full day of vaync, I do feel a little better today. Not 100%, but not 0%. 

I’m still waiting for ENT to come in to talk about the cysts and sores in my mouth. So I am hopeful that with my conversation with them, that we can change the dialogue between myself and ID will change. I just want this all to stop. I mean I do have their attention. But again, I am used to this. 

Here’s hoping we can fix this.