Caving to pain

As I tried to get out of bed, I just sat at the edge of the bed. Just waiting for it. The familiar feeling of my face just hurts. Without further ado, it came. What’s different was where, and how it hurt. The pain has moved to the back of my nose, roof of my mouth, and my throat. 

The overall wave of fatigue hit me as I stood up. It’s just utter exhaustion.  I wanted to go back to bed and just lay next to my wife, but I had to get up and do somethings at work. Coffee has been the only soothing comfort that I can honestly enjoy anymore. As I sat in my chair, I pulled yet another Lovenox syringe from the bag and grabbed an alcohol prep pad stained at my blood-spotted thigh. Trying to find a spot to stick myself for the umpteenth time. Fuck this shot sucks. It wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t sting so bad.   

My face felt like there was something else.  So I looked in the mirror. Great. The pustules are back again. The white/yellow heads. Red spots on my face. Wonderful, let’s just add something else to the bonfire. I know better not to pick or squeeze them, as I am all too familiar with what happens if you pick the wrong ones 🙁

As I finished troubleshooting a BGP problem, that’s when the real pain started to set in. My lip, and chin just started to burn. Almost like someone just attacked me with sandpaper. My mouth just felt… raw.  Nothing helped. As I sat there just worried what I should do next, I decided fuck it. I’m calling the on call Dr. for Immunoe. It was either that, urgent care, or yep you guessed it, the ER. Either of which I didn’t want to deal with today. I left my info (twice), and patiently waited. As I fixed a few more things, the Dr called. This is the doctor that some time ago said that he didn’t think I had an infection, but all he was doing was reading notes from the ENT. As I told him what’s going on, he started to discuss possible options. I did tell him about vancomycin and what it’s done in the past for this. Cefdin is what he put me on. He also wanted to put me on steroids, but I declined this time. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to have prednisone right now. Seeing as it may/may not have contributed to my short stay @ UC Health. He said that if I wasn’t feeling better by next week, that he might consider putting me on vancomycin.  

As much as I want to believe that, I am apprehensive. Think of it as bad shit from UC Health. Like a few blog posts before, my faith in doctors has become a negative integer, along with whatever bullshit they wanna try selling me. I am hopeful that these guys will do a better job than UC. Immunoe overall has been good to me on the immune front, so I guess we will see. I will work with them the best I can. 

Last night was also englightening.  Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what the DVT ultrasound showed back in March. What a fucking surprise as I read the results (I wasn’t paying much attention back then)

Isn’t that fucking hilarious to the point of what the actual fuck?  So what this means, is the clots that were removed from my arm, and shoulder, have literally been sitting there for an entire year. What makes this so amazing, is the fact that my old GP never took the time to re-evaluate my shit. No ultrasound, no exam, no nothing. As I sat in bed last night that just rang loud in my head that getting rid of UC Health was the best thing I’ve probably done all year. Those fucking assholes don’t care, and provide at best the absolute minimum of care and try to create the illusion that they are the best hospital in Colorado. 

I beg to differ. 

As the day has gone on my face has continued to hurt, so morphine my old friend. Need you to help me out here. Caving to pain isn’t something I’m known to do. I can say with great confidence that I think I have an extremely high pain tolerance. I mean, I did pass what… 9 kidney stones this year?  Had a root canal with no lidocaine?  Had a dental implant removed while I was awake?  Got coat hangered for 3 hours last week?

I am grateful that I am on pain management, and that this has helped me get to this point. The spinal pain that I’ve had over the years has gotten worse, but when you put the facial pain there next to it, I barely notice it’s there. 

I really hope that this comes to a positive closure soon. My mother instilled a vast amount of patience in me, however, that candle has started to burn from both ends.  I am hoping that the Cefin will help, but I know that it’s gonna take Vanco to knock this out.