Anomalies

That’s strange feel in I have had in my sinuses for the past two years is continuing to haunt me. This weekend we got away to Ouray. Holy shit it’s the farthest I’ve gone. Middle of nowhere. 

The night before we got there we left early.  Around 4pm Friday I started to feel like shit. It’s the same thing every time. It first starts out as nausea. God. It’s the worst. Anything just makes me sick. Smells. Light. You name it. It’s unbearable at times. All I can do is take zofran and lay down till it passes. It always does. Just takes forever to go away. I ran around all day, it was all bound to catch up to me. 

As much as I was excited to leave and get away, I felt like something was coming. 2 months ago I was paralyzed in bed because of the weather. It’s hard to explain. But it was extremely painful between my eyes. Nauseated. Had the spins. That same feeling felt like it’s on its way back. Just like last weekend w/ medano pass. Just extreme pain. But these strange anomalies keep changing. It’s not consistent where it hurts. It just randomly appears, wanes, then comes back. 

Primarily it’s my nose. The very tip. It gets super sensitive and it feels like it’s on fire. This then radiates to my upper lip where I feel that strange tunnel with the bumps all along the front side. The uncomfortableness moves to inside my nose. On the sides. Which by the way the Xhance is helping. The inflammation I was having is finally under control.  Once it’s on the inside it goes two places, straight to my frontal sinuses / beteeen my eyes, and the usual worst place ever. The Armageddon in my mouth. Everytime I think about what happened just

Makes me sick.  That guy shouldn’t be practing after what he did. 

Needless to say he’s been notified. The demand letter is in their hands. I’m sure that they will drag there feet, but hopefully I get 300k out of it. 

Just get everything paid off. Put down on a  place. And just don’t worry about money. This debt however, needs to fucking go. 

As those strange feelings started to move throughout their usual spots as we started to drive, I just medded up and drove. The elevations gains I am usually of with. But this time I think it was exacerbating whatever is in my face. It’s almost like they just run into their little hiding spots and just wait yo remind me when I am having a someone on day that they can ruin it pretty quickly. There is some sort of trigger that’s causing this. I don’t know it it’s something I’m eating or drinking. But they don’t spend much time taking it’s time. 

The onset of all this is all over my head, where it be upper sinuses, red spots on my scalp Ned and chest. The left ear still produces puss. But I will say, it’s becoming much and much harder to get it out, still the same smell it’s always been. The “cluster” of them in front of my ear and at my jaw line just come in waves. One day I won’t notice them, other days they are just on fire begging to be squeezed. To which I have to. If I do get anything substantive, I do have culture sticks on standby. 

As for my face cheeks,lips, and chin, I did see Lurcott again. The lumps and sores I’m feeling in my mouth keep coming back. It fucking hurts. It’s in my skin. You can see it plain as day. He took a look. Same shpeel. It’s my IGG doing it. I mean it’s not. sores keep coming, I get antibiotics, and they stay to go down. So my regumine is now:

20g cutaquig Scig weekly

300mg clindamycin 4x daily

300mg cefdinir 2x day

Sinus rins w/ Clindamycin and mupriorsin  along with the sugare packed

20mg Prednisone daily

Peroxide dash was with either clinda lotion, or retina. 

Topped off with morphine 15 IM/ER for pain 

And an ambien to get me to tomorrow

Yeah it’s a lot. But it’s all necessary right now

As I sat with Lurcott that he would finally feel the lumps under my jaw and face. He hmm’d and hawed and went with the it’s your immune system doing this. He has a point, but the think is he’s focus is just maintaining. I was hoping that I was gonna get the dexamethasone shots he does. Yeah. It sucks. But it’s pretty awesome about 40 minutes after. Up until then, it’s like you swallowed fire ants. Instead he went the other approach. Mouthwashes. 3-4 times a day, and dexamethasone swish and spit. Also have me more kenalong pastd which I have to have that. 

The strange things is that I believe it’s the journey in hour you got there. The side attractions.  Even my dermo is pumping me up with injections all over my face. So. As with all that… maybe I’m starting to get a little ahead of all this. Keep in mind that most of these issues stem from the acne that was growing on my face starting in 2009. It’s honestly the same shit just was worse.

This week will be interesting as I’m seeing ENT and dermo. Dermo I’ll be fine, but ENT is new. And of at all placed UC Heath. They called me to literally ask me why I was being seen. After a short conversation I will be seeing them tomorrow. Another doctor, another fight

Today I saw the original OMFS Dr who pulled the first tooth and kinda started all this. I spent about 25 minutes catching him up. All the septic episodes. The tumor. Immune deficiency. Then the malpractice. I thought his reaction or insight would been as similar as the others, but he seemed pretty upset. He even told me what the drill bit is used for and that no, that doesn’t belong there and it’s not normal. Hell if it comes down to it I’ll subpoena this guy. He wholeheartedly admitted it was wrong. 

As for how I’m doing?  Not so good. Thursday is surgery. Yep. You read that correctly. Another surgery in my mouth. I really don’t know what to say anymore about it. I cannot wear my dentures at all. Since the implants were removed, along with the drill bit, the bottom ridge of my jaw feels like it’s lined with barbed wire. The minute I go to bite it’s an immediate nope. Why?  For starters all the bone spurs make it extremely uncomfortable. Biting down, or even attempting to chew. It’s just too painful. So now I basically have two sets of dentures that are completely useless. The mucoceles / minor salivary gland problems still will not go away either. I am constantly either doing the dexamethasone rinse, or caking on the dental paste. 

It only offers temporary escape, as when it wears off, I have no other way but to continue using that stuff. I’m pretty sure at some point it won’t offer up any help. 

As for the surgery, we are restructuring my lower jaw. Removing imperfections left behind by the idiot who put the implants in originally, and the aftermath of having both the implants removed, then not more than 2 months later having to get cracked open again to remove the drill bit. 

Getting back to me?  That’s a pretty touchy subject. I for one am pretty much done trying to fix this. It’s broken beyond repair. I’m so sick of my mouth hurting every day. The pain. The burning. The heartbeat feeling. I’ve done a pretty good job up until this point just keeping things to myself. But when 3 weeks ago I started noting a strange behavioral pattern with my wife. That’s when I started noticing her texting some other dude non stop. Yeah for some this may be just a whatever thing, but it was more involved and in depth. I won’t go over what was said, but from what I read, I read enough. It was actually kind of sickening as this is not the first time I’ve gotten to read stuff like this. In other relationships. Because this is how it starts. 

Oh we are just friends …. Exactly. The excuses start. Seeing as how I’ve seen this a few times it made me instantaneously sick to my stomach. The texts kept continuing, responses becoming more and more interesting. 3 weeks ago during a Jeep trail I brought it up. It was almost like she was shocked I knew. I’m really not that stupid. I don’t trust other guys. Who are single, talking/flirting with married women. Seriously don’t get it. She wanted to go hiking with him. Yeah that’s maybe what she wanted to do, but I can guarantee you that’s not on his agenda. 

Tonight I started to deconstruct how I’ve been feeling. I guess let down & disappointed would be the first. I hate how I look now. I seriously look like I’m 70. I feel completely unattractive. Who in the fuck would want someone that looks like that, and to top it off has no teeth. While you are at it, toss in chronically ill to the point where plans can really never be made anymore. 

Everything just stated to come out. Next was anger and frustration with not getting anywhere with my face or mouth. Every doctor I saw was just hey you need to go see a specialist. Aren’t you that specialist?  Aren’t you the one that’s supposed to handle this shit?  I’ve lost a lot of faith in doctors. Especially dentists. I also have quite a few people to blame for what was done and how I got here. Back in 2018, shit 2017 I tried getting the dentist to figure this out, which was just met with “I don’t know” go see a specialist. Every visit hurt more and more. The endodontist was starting to form the opinion that there was nothing wrong but there was. 

It took my oral surgeon to listen and remove the toxic teeth. To which I was fine. Up until that asshole ruined my life. 

For the most part I feel like I have lost everything. I feel like I’m a big way I’ve lost myself. My relationship with my wife. How things were for my job. I’m financially destroyed from all of this. And that this will not end. I know the surgery on Thursday will hopefully give me back the ability to smile with fake teeth again, but it will be exactly that. Fake. It feels as though as if this gets fixed, everything else is basically irrecoverable. I’m terrified that things are broken between my wife and I. I’m just being brutally honest. The illness. The constant hospitals. Doctors. Nurses. Seeing your loved one being tortured. I’m sure this has impacted her it mostly the same it has with me. 

I just get to sit here without the ability to do anything about it and just let it happen. This anxiety is starting to get to me. I’m miserable and I hate my life. I wish I could do something, but it just seems that this has set it’s irreversible path forward and to my enjoyment get to watch without the ability to do anything about it. For the last 2 weeks I’ve cried myself to sleep if that’s any indication of where I’m at now with things. 

I want to matter. I want to be happy. I want to spend countless hours doing fun things with my wife I love so dearly and would not be here without her. 

Only time will tell me if these are just anomalies or just the downward spiral.