Living in Hazardous Conditions

I woke up this morning feeling like shit yesterday, same thing today. Much different than before when I was at the hospital, and the hotel. So this realistically leads me to the conclusion that, we are living in a fucking hazard, and the longer I am here, the potential is increasing at an exponential rate to harm me even further than this place has already done to me, Anies, and the Beebs (cats).

As I made a cup of coffee, I wasn’t awake. I woke up early as hell to pull the vancomycin out of the fridge at 4am, I actually woke up for the alarm this time. By 5am, I heard the alarm, but was just paralyzed. Between the exhaustion I feel daily, and the feeling of my face/mouth/sinuses starting to burn again, my jaw and left ear starting to hurt as it used to, and just the overall bodyaches, I finally peeled myself out of bed at 5:20am to get hooked up to the vancomycin.

I started to look at the notifications on my phone, then I noticed that my labcorp results were ready from yesterdays visit to infectious disease. Not surprised, my WBC has gone back up to 16. When I was released from Swedish, my WBC was at 8. Additionally, my vancomycin trough level is good, so I’ll be staying on the 1g every 8 hour therapy.

So seeing the WBC increase is an extreme concern. So I was going to wait till 9am to call Colorado Infectious Disease, and pull the five alarm fire with them (again) and make sure this time they are fully aware of my WBC status.

To my surprise, as I was getting ready to call them, they called me. Paula who is one of the MA’s, called asking me how I was feeling. And I was brutally honest with her. Told her how I was feeling. Told her that we returned to the apartment. During my stay at Swedish, they did an MRI of my head, due to the concerns of the Mastoiditis, and the sinus issues I’ve been dealing with this year. MRI’s are the best imaging modality for what I am going through. It’s higher resolution vs CT gives better clarity to what’s going on in my head, face, and neck. The thing is doctors keep forgetting I have CVID, my body isn’t mounting the defense of a normal person. Typically during these scans, they see nothing. No inflammation, nothing glaringly obvious. Thats because these scans look for fluid, inflammation changes, anatomic changes, but again, these scans are interpreted by a Radiologist. Again, they aren’t aware of my immunodeficiency. So thats where the frustrating part of this whole thing comes into play. Doctors rely upon what the radiologist says. They directly take that, and use that as gospel. Except for Dr. Hepworth. He’s the one who pointed out the issues in my left ear, my sinuses, and face.

The MRI readout from Swedish was:

SPACES: There are foci of susceptibility artifact within the left retroauricular and infra-auricular soft tissues, presumably related to prior instrumentation. The deep spaces of visualized suprahyoid neck are symmetric without abnormal enhancement or mass lesion.

SINUSES: Mild patchy sinus mucosal thickening without obstruction. Trace left mastoid effusion, status post canal up mastoidectomy.

My interpretation of this means that there is definitely something going on in my left ear, previously prior to mastoidectomy #2, the 3 MRI’s I had from 2022, till now, has always talked about post-op healing, or similar. They just downplayed it, chalking it off to the surgery, when really, there was something going on. So I made sure to remember this from the last scan, I did discuss this with Dr. Kaufman while I was in the ICU. As for my sinuses, the mucosal thickening just means that there is again, something going on up there. I can feel it. I’m still blowing out chunks of white, and bloody gunk. As for the “suseptibility artifact”, thats the thing that has been under my tongue since the implant fuckup. I am absolutely convinced there is something under my tongue that is harboring infection. The sublingual space is still swollen, I feel it every day.

So as you can see, imaging should just be used as a thing to look for major things, but also look at the minutia of “whats there”. What do you see? Look at everything, take your time. Compare this MRI, to my past MRI’s. But thats just the thing, all the Radiologists are doing are looking for major things, not these tiny anatomic details that I can see if you let me look at the scan. Yeah, I’m no Radiologist, but over the years, I’ve gotten good at looking at everything. Pointing out areas of concern. Our bodies are symmetrical for the most part. I told doctors for years about the blob in my left ear, nobody really cared to listen to it, until I brought it to Hepworth’s attention. I have the ability to log into Health Images, and look at all my imaging thats done through them. I actually prefer it, because it gives me the opportuinity to look through it. I’ve got nothing better to do. But this isn’t an obsessive thing. I actually look at “patent” scans vs mine. Comparing the minutia. Looking at changes between my last MRI vs the current.

It’s like playing a game of Where’s Waldo with a mix of find the differences. I am not self-diagnosing myself. I am just looking for abnormalities that Radiologists aren’t taking the the time to evaluate.

Paula then said that she will call me back, as she will discuss this with Dr. Kaufman. About 10 minutes later, Paula called back. To my surprise, Kaufman isn’t fucking around anymore. Paula told me that Dr. Kaufman is extremely concerned about whats going on with my head. She ordered a stat MRI of my head/neck. I’m pretty sure we are at that point where its going to be petal to the metal going forward with all this. I’ve captivated all the key doctors finally. They are all now taking me seriously, as to whats going on. Yes, this is in my head. Physically. It’s not a fucking psychological thing. I’m absolutely not fabricating what I feel. Pus can’t be “thought up”. Labs don’t lie. Imaging just looks at things from a general sense. So I think the “wall” of bullshit has been taken down with the heart attack. I think the attack was a tell-tale sign to them all, that this is real.

I can fucking 100% guarantee you, it is.

So as today has progressed. I woke up feeling like shit. My mouth hurting again. Another thing that I subtly started to notice, is these strange feelings I get on the top of my head. My ear has started to hurt again. My sinuses are hurting again. The constant itching feeling is all over my face again. My throat feels severely irritated. Lastly, the one thing I dread feeling, is having breathing problems. Not as severe as when it was like during the heart attack, but periodically, I feel like my lungs are irritated. Like what I described before, where it feels like the beginnings of Pleurisy. It’s a weird feeling, where you inhale, but as you breathe in deeper, it feels uncomfortable.

My heart also feels a little floaty today, as well as skippy. I haven’t been able to catch it on my apple watch, but again, this feeling sort of comes and goes. Maybe I could chalk a little bit of it off to anxiety, since I’m so hypersensitive to anything I feel with my heart, or breathing. But concerning nonetheless. With my face, and inside my mouth, it feels more inflamed. Irritated. Not full on fire feeling, but as today goes on, it feels like its getting worse. Another familiar symptom has also returned, nausea. Yeah, I haven’t been eating. Just drinking coffee, and water.

So I’ve noticed that I am breathing more shallow today. I’ve noticed all the symptoms I’ve been having the past 2 years which calmed down after the 3rd day in the ICU, continued to decrease, and my body overall seemed to be calming down, however, since we unfortunately had to return to the apartment, all those symptoms are starting to slowly come back. So my only conclusion I can come up with is that this apartment is what is continually, directly contributing to my health problems.

Lastly my neck. When I move my head, its really sore. It hurts to move it. It feels as almost as if there is something there too. The SPECT/CT that was done a month ago, showed “arthritis” in between C3/C4, with more uptake in the right side. I’m pretty sure there is something “else going on in my neck” other than arthritis. Just doesn’t feel right. As time goes on, and the shittier I feel, the worse it feels, so I feel its somehow directly related to whateverthefuck is going on here.

It’s extremely troubling now that I think of it, that the property switched environmental testing companies between before / after the mold remediation. I find it kinda shady TBH. The first company documented everything. Location of test, temperature/humidity. Their report was over 9 pages long. The company that did the post scan, their report looked to be very generic, didn’t have pictures. Just seemed “off” to me.

I did just get off of the phone with Health Images, but unfortunately the soonest I could get in was on Tuesday. Which is an awful long time to wait. They did add me to the cancellation list, but I’m pretty sure thats what this will be.

I was starting to feel better for once. I was getting to that point where my body was starting to step down from Defcon 1, felt like Defcon 3-4 when I left Swedish. But as we have returned to the apartment, my body feels like it’s at Defcon 2. Not a full blown heightened sense of “impending doom”, but it just feels like its coming.

I called Paula back about 10 minutes ago, and told her about Health Images not getting me in until Tuesday, and about how I’m starting to feel more and more shitty as time goes on. I expressed to her that based on my WBC going up, a fever of 99.1F, my blood pressure currently being 150/108, starting to sweat, the fatigue, my now newly found heart issues, and just in general me feeling like shit the longer this goes, that most likely I’ll be headed to Swedish ER at some point this weekend. That’s just when it dawned on me. Just like with Dr. Lupo earlier in the year, I straight asked him to direct-admit me, just to avoid the fucking clowncar bullshit that Swedish ER has been in the past. So I asked Paula to have Kaufman do the same thing.

I had a sneaking suspicion that after I was released from Swedish, that I was hopeful that this was over, that I finally reached the finish line, but with that suspicion being, that it really isn’t. We just knocked out something major that I’ve been dealing with for quite some time. I have a feeling the pain in my face, jaw, and ear that I feel every day, is just the infection just hanging out. Slowly poisoning me. I can feel the cysts in my face, in my mouth, under my tongue, and scattered throughout my neck. I’m pretty sure this is just going to come down to just listening to me, and just fucking address the problem, once in for all. Remove this shit. Debriede me. The cysts in my mouth feel extremely pissed off. Same goes for what I feel on the left side of my face, as well as the the 2 “lumps” I feel in the front of my jaw.

All I know, is that this isn’t normal, and won’t be accepted as normal. I’ll update again once I know more, I’m just waiting for Paula to call me back with some sort of direction on what to do. I just don’t want to be in this fucking hazard at home anymore, the mold that is still here, is probably whats doing it. Just a suspicion, a gut feeling. Thats all I got.

Paula just called me back, shockingly enough, Dr. Kaufman doesn’t have privileges to direct admit. Which is fucking ass backwards. But whatever. So I’ll see Dr. Lupo on Tuesday, and Dr. Hepworth’s surprisingly called me back, and they are getting me in at 8:20am on Tuesday. So I guess I’ll just have to watch how things go this weekend. I need to hold out to see both Lupo, and Hepworth. Monday, I need to get to infectious disease for more labs.

Hopefully this is just a one-off, but the way I feel, and the way this is starting progress, tells me this is going to come to a screeching halt if people don’t fucking pay very close attention going forward. I just need to lay down, and stay calm. But between how I feel, the bullshit with the property, coordinating all these fucking doctors, and the impending doom feeling coming back. I know it’s just a matter of time until we go Defcon 1.

It’s really the worst feeling in the world.

PS. Was contacted again by infectious disease if I was going to the ER. Told them I’m deeply considering it. It then dawned on me. I asked a question I shouldn’t ask. “Who’s on call?” The official answer was not Dr. Kaufman or Dr Schulman. So by addtion by subtraction, theres only 1 person that would be. I didn’t have to say it. But I told her it sounds like there would be someone on call that would be quite “challenging” to deal with.

Eison.

0/10 won’t be going to either Swedish or Porter. Long story short, 2018, he’s the infectious disease Dr. that detonated my body at Porter, jamming almost every IV antibiotic known to man through me. To which I got antibiotic-induced colitis. In a later encounter in 2021, at Swedish, I was admitted due to Sepsis. And he was on-call. Again, called crazy, that I’m self-inflicting harm to myself for attention, that I am “making all this up”. I was discharged with no antibiotics.

YOU DONT HAVE TO READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT TO

After being rudely discharged at Porter, thats when the “shit” hit the fan. Blood-Filled shit. The next morning after being discharged from Porter, I woke up to a 104F fever, rigors, chills, severe nausea, and diarrhea. I collected the blood-filled shit, and brought it to the ER. I was fucking IRATE at this point. I kept shitting blood. CT scan showed severe issues in my lower GI tract. I had the ER staff bring in the administrator of both the hospital and ER. I let them fucking have it for 10 minutes. I was so fucking IRATE. It was like peeing napalm form my ass.

I spent a week hospitalized in Porter in sheer agony, not allowed to eat. Shitting liquid for 3 days straight. Got the joy of a colonoscopy, with the result of colitis. We all know why it happened. I told porter that both the attending Hospitalist who rudely discharged me, and Eison were NOT to be apart of my care team.

Then they decided to start drug testing me. I knew they were trying to find a reason why this is the 3rd time I am back in a week. Thinking, you guessed it, I’m an addict. I am crazy. This is self-inflicted. At this point, I was transferred to UC Health. I told the administrators that I don’t agree with how I am being treated, and I have a deep concern with my care going forward at Porter. I told them to transfer me to UC Health, which not knowing at the time, I was jumping from a campfire, to a dumpster fire, with tires.

This Dr. was literally “out to get me” at this point. Every encounter after that, was severely negative, and only just created a delay of care, because at this point, he has some personal vendetta against me. And went out of his way to make sure, the false narrative of “I’m crazy” was what swayed Dr’s at Swedish for not helping me.

Guess what fuckstick, you aren’t a psychiatrist, or psychologist. Your just a lowly ignorant “doctor” who has a god complex. If you don’t have a degree in either, you have no valid opinion, therefore I can diagnose him in kind. Fucking narcissistic twat. But this set in motion, anytime I looked for help at Swedish ER from 2021, thats what that became. Narcissists don’t like people that are smarter than them. They always flip the narrative to fit so they are the victim, and the other person is “the problem”.

I’m just going to do as least as possible for the next 3 days. Survival mode. So I guess Defcon 1 it is. May the odds be forever in my favor. Thank god for valium.