Serenity

Yesterday was Ketamine infusion #3. 120mg. I was sort of expecting to go through it and at the end have the #tooktoomuch reaction. I didn’t. It was perfect.

I woke up this morning at 5am to absolutely no pain whatsoever. I often wonder how much longer I have to wait to get here, where I am, every hour, of every day. I try to remember these moments and hold onto them as if this is what I have to look forward to.

Gives me hope, and drive. I logged into GoFundMe this morning, and I am truly humbled with the response from everyone. We set a small goal, but almost $2,200 in 2 days really makes me feel like I am gonna make it through this nightmare. I’ll be able to afford the remaining ketamine treatments, and pay off one of the hospital bills with this. I still have faith that this will be over soon.

I’m really looking forward to the moment where I don’t feel like a dumpster fire. This has been an inspiring morning.

Without the Ketamine, I wake up multiple times a night. The first thing I experience when I wake up feels like 500 wasps just attacking my face.

But instead this morning I woke up to calm, serenity. What normal SHOULD be.

To put it in perspective, since 2015, this is how it’s been, but it’s slowly built to this point. Every day a little more. The next day is more than the last.

It’s nice that there is a temporary off switch to it now.