More Exhaustion

I’ve been up half of the night. Yeah, took my normal meds at 9:30pm last night. But my body has just been .. off. Between my face/mouth hurting, and the random body lockups (yay charliehorses), and just my body just not wanting to rest has me all backwards again.

Last week I was off from work, but I wasn’t “off” by any means. Between working on the projects I’ve been trying to finish at home, and just sleeping non-stop during the day. As I returned to work, the waves of exhaustion just started to hit me again. I just get so tired, fast. Walking short distances feels like I’ve ran a marathon. I know that the STEMI forever changed how my body reacts to things. I acknowledge that I NEED to listen to my body, and I have been. Pushing myself through the non-stop barrage of training the past 8 weeks really took its toll on me the final week.

I could just feel my body screaming at me that I need a break. So I did. My internal clock during that break just went upside down, and sideways. Between the cycles of pain I am still dealing with, the waves of exhausting just hitting me more frequently, tells me that my body is trying to recover. It’s finding that fine balance of whats “too much”. The week I had off, I did accomplish almost everything on my to-do list, minus 1 to 2 minor things. But as this week has started out, its just painfully awkward to talk again. Use facial expressions.

I did do the usual laser therapy today @ the dental office. Even though you don’t see the eruptions of the HSV, I definitely feel it everywhere. Every laser treatement I get, slowly makes it withdraw from my face, and mouth. As I walked into the office today, my mouth was just pulsing. Burning. The usual “this sucks”. I have just trained myself to just push through it. You may see me smile, but it hurts to do it. It feels like my facial muscles have seen some damage from both the mold exposure, and the “awakening” of the HSV once again. As she moved the wand throughout the inside of my mouth, it felt like I was being electrocuted. During that time, I just mentally put myself somewhere else. Being without the famciclovir for too long was probably the cause of why I lost all the forward progress I was making the past few months. You can absolutely see a difference in the shape of my face. It’s close to being normal again, not blimp mode.

Inflammation is something that I’ve just dealt with over the past 6 years. The problem is, nobody wanted to listen to me. Each day I was living in that toxic environment, was just pushing the infection deeper into my face. Now factor in that its spring in Denver, and that means the barometric pressure is a literal rollercoaster. Between the steep drops, and steep climbs, its not doing my sinuses any favors. I still continue to bleed. Constantly. Which is what ultimately wakes me up. It just feels closed off up there half the time. Due to all the work Hepworth/Lupo did over the years, it’s been relieving, but also introduced my ability to sense severe shifts in pressure. I can easily tell you if its going to rain within the hour, or if its going to get windy, etc. Like I said, I now have a literal barometer installed in my face. Only problem being, is when the pressure gets close to 1000mbar, thats when the pain starts to hit hard, and the bleeding begins.

It will start off sublty, but then before I know it, its constantly going down the backside of my throat. Anies got me these cans of hypertonic sinus rinses. It’s been pretty helpful when I’m out and about. I keep a can on me at all times, and I use it pretty frequently. It does help “flush out” whatever is up there, and slows the bleeding down, however ultimately the mupirocin is what stops it. I’m just doing my best to keep things as open as I can up there, without having to rely upon afrin. Which unfortunately is a necessary evil sometimes. If things slam shut up there, its really the only way I can get my sinuses to open back up, but that just throws me into this vicious cycle of what I deal with every day.

Lastly my left ear feels full again. After every shower, Qip’s feel so amazing. I’m still getting the brownish-tinged crap out daily. Some days are worse than others. I can only hope the full feeling that I am experiecing is just my ear healing. I really really really don’t want to have to deal with any more ear surgeries, or just surgeries in general. Fortunately next week, I follow up with Hepworth. I haven’t made any progress on the Virologist front. I’ve feft 5 voicemails since he had referred me, but I just have this feeling this guy is looking at just my UC Health records, and all those show is I’m a drug-seeking lunatic making all this up, when I have 6 years worth of proof that I’m not.

Hopefully I can sync up with this guy, and get him to ignore what’s been “documented” from the UC Health perspective. I just hope that I don’t get the same treatment I was getting back in 2018-2019 where they kept wanting to push psychologists in front of me. I’ve got a lot of medical history firepower that says otherwise.

Ketamine is this weekend, and I am just counting down the hours until Saturday. Again, I cannot say enough good things about it. It’s really helped me get out of this void I’ve been trapped in. Chronic illness just isn’t fun to deal with period. There are a lot of secondary effects you get which you’ve been sick for too long, and ignored. I’m just thankful the treatment is available. Anthem however, has been rejecting every single Ketamine session since 1/12. It’s definitely not because they are no longer in-network, it has to relate to the D codes they are using on the bills. Seeing the “not medically necessary” shit is getting old. Yes, yes it is. How would you be paying for it since last August, then all of a sudden, its now somehting that I don’t need.

I’m just tired. Exhausted. Too tired to sleep. Waking up at 1:30am is never fun. Hopefully I can get my bodies schedule back on track soon. I just want to get a good nights sleep, so I can do the things I want to do vs. taking constant naps throughout the afternoon. Most likely I am going to burn a personal day today, to try and get my body somewhat back normal. As I’ve been writing. this, I’m continually closing my eyes and wanting to drift off to sleep.

Hopefully the “normal” comes back soon. I’m just tired of being tired. It’s exhausting.